Breaking The Silence Online

@Tbootpoo said in #369:
> And what you have just done is at least some "Ad hominem" ,barely disgiused
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> Such as this :
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> "Please resort from such cheap rhetorical tricks in the future, it's not constructive, childish, and I will point it out."

I don't think that's an example of ad hominem but yes. let's agree to disagree.

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> I am therefore not going to reply in kind, or at all
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> You may have the last word
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> Good evening :)

you 2 good evening

@Johann9 said in #369:
> Good evening and sorry for the late reply. First I must say, thank you for actually reading my post and (as far as I can tell) taking the points serious, or at least not deliberatly misunderstanding me. This is a good start and above average for such politically and emotionally charged discussions on the internet.
>
>
> This is all a very good sign :)
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>
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> This not. You shouldn't give those idiots so much power over your head. Injustice happens to everyone of us all of the time, resilience is an important skill in life. Just remember often, the thing that such idiots hate the most is simply being ignored.
>
>
Unless you are in my shoes, I don't think you are in a position to judge how I should, or shouldn't feel, and how much time and mental energy I should devote to it. You have no idea how much resilience I have, or don't have. Don't be so patronising.

>
> Well, as said in the other post, I assumed the articles on the front side were manually curated. If it's the algortihm it's not directly their fault however, if (as theorized in the other post too) the algortihm favors articles that create many replys, it favors drama, which is a questionable design choice, in my oppinion.
>

Well what do you want? Manually curated or trending articles? You don't seem to want either. If you don't want the drama, just don't engage with it.
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> As said in my other post to me it feels a lot like moral outrage and also a "please join me in my outrage" . The whole article contains a lot of value judgments, implications, inferences and connotation, it's far a way from a factual report.
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I don't agree with this ^^^

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Also you don't even try to seek out women who are generally happy with the chess world and include their oppinion, it's one sided from the beginning and written with a very clear mission and intention.

It's actually hard to find women that have never had this problem...they are free to comment here and tell me this is not their experience.

> Well everything comes with a cost. You might differ but I think partly your own emotional life and how you react to things and feel about them is your own responsiblity. I think reporting such idiots should be enough.
>

I will agree to differ here, this feels like you are saying that if anyone bullies or harasses you and you get upset, it's your own fault and that reporting the idiots is enough. Of course everything comes with a cost...

> And also I think this moral outrage and being the "bright public crusader for the right thing" and the "voice of the silent oppressed" also gives you something, it's a nice self-image. You also get a lot of possitive feedback too. It's the same on twitter, people that start moral outrage threads there also get something from it, otherwise they wouldn't do it. I don't judge you for this, we all have our little guilty little pleasures, but please be honest about it. You wouldn't do this if this wouldn't give you something

You clearly don't know me very well. When I wrote this article, it was with the hope of maybe informing a few more people about a problem that exists, as I discovered a few friends had no idea about it so I extrapolated that there might be a general lack of awareness. The response into my inbox has confirmed to me that this was the case, a lot of people (mainly guys, because of course most girls know this is a problem) responded to the article and said they had not been aware of the issues I raised, and in future they would look out for and try to discourage such antisocial behaviours, and some of them would even take this initiative of being more aware of the issues female players face and try to implement measures in their own chess clubs to improve things and be more welcoming to women and girls. Of course it is satisfying to hear this sort of feedback, but it is not why I wrote it, for my own satisfaction.

I would hardly call this a "little guilty pleasure" I reserve that phrase for a bar of chocolate or something!

Honestly, as you can see I am not in the habit of "being the "bright public crusader for the right thing" and the "voice of the silent oppressed" this is only my second blog and I hardly ever go on Twitter/X . I hid my first blog after I received personal threats due to this blog.

Thank you for speaking out, I support your position completely, and now choice to follow your blogs. Stay strong, thoughtful and continue on your path. I would say more but am pressed for time. Best of wishes to you.

Having to deal with toxicity on the internet is just the moral hazard of using the internet. People who have anonymity and don't have to say something to your face, are much more likely to be candid with their thoughts. Its much easier to type something without thinking than say something, because their is no personal link whatsoever between the sender and receiver. [Essentially, there is no reason for you to give a shit about the fact that you may have hurt someone, and there is no social remorse or consequence in your real life]

Posts like this blog, will come up time and time again, and nothing will change, unless all speech gets banned.

Thankfully, on sites like this when you go join a game of chess, most people are more interested in thinking about the next move than chatting. Especially in the bullet section. I suspect you'd run into more of this stuff when typing in obs chat or the forums.

"breaking the silence" is such a silly and childish title to have for this sort of blog post, because its an issue that has been known for as long as the internet has existed.

Oh and physical identifiers online mean nothing as well, go play a MOBA and see how many games it takes for some random kid to start screaming down the mic about how he is going to rape you and your family, or how you are the "most dogshit subhuman piece of garbage, and should uninstall the game". If you want real toxicity go play some MOBA's. Honestly, you will not get much worse than that. [Many people online just have too little shit to give and too little shit to lose]

Actually youre trying to turn it into a conversation where it looks like i was mocking u for your rating but you actually first questioned my accuracy in my ultrabullet games so i pointed out that you first of all play bullet actively so you might not mock me for playing ultrabullet, and because you brought up the accuracy i tried to reflect your own accuracy in your rating.

Im sorry if you felt attacked, i did not address you personally, might be bc of language barrier.

Thank you for sharing!
As a male I find this utterly disgusting and an embarrassment, but I have also experienced (very mild in comparison) similar behavior.
Over on Chess com I have a username with the word princess in it and the assumption arises that I am female and other male users become abusive (especially if I am winning) - on some occasions I have told them I am male which then results in derogatory homophobia slurs. This whole process saddens me, but reading this article made me realize that I need to report such behavior and speak up in the chats!

Thank you

@Bogenko said in #4:
> One small thing that come in my mind: It would be agood thing, that if you block someone who is harrassing or insulting you it should be no longer possible that these people can follow your games - waht means that they are present and visible there with their nickname.

just use another account
you would have to ip-ban people from viewing certain profiles but even thats not permanent

@manwithabishoppair said in #376:
> Actually youre trying to turn it into a conversation where it looks like i was mocking u for your rating but you actually first questioned my accuracy in my ultrabullet games

I never said anything about your accuracy at all...or questioned it. It is late and I'm tired but honestly have no idea where this came from. I'm sure your accuracy is a lot better than mine given your rating, but I'm I'm talking about accuracy in general in ultra compared with say classical.

> so i pointed out that you first of all play bullet actively so you might not mock me for playing ultrabullet, and because you brought up the accuracy i tried to reflect your own accuracy in your rating.
>
Again, I never mocked you. I just don't think 15 seconds is long enough for a sensible game of chess. Just my opinion, the ultrabullet comment was a side remark, not the main point.

> Im sorry if you felt attacked, i did not address you personally, might be bc of language barrier.

Yes, it did feel like that but maybe it got lost in translation, lets give each other the benefit of the doubt

@Tremarl said in #375:
>
> "breaking the silence" is such a silly and childish title to have for this sort of blog post, because its an issue that has been known for as long as the internet has existed.
>

It is named that because it is a follow-up article to the Lichess blog of the same name a while ago. Ad-hom attacks like this calling me "silly and childish" over how I named my blog are uncalled for. I don't know why you are getting so worked up about me just speaking about my experiences.

@Tremarl said in #375:
> Having to deal with toxicity on the internet is just the moral hazard of using the internet. People who have anonymity and don't have to say something to your face, are much more likely to be candid with their thoughts. Its much easier to type something without thinking than say something, because their is no personal link whatsoever between the sender and receiver. [Essentially, there is no reason for you to give a shit about the fact that you may have hurt someone, and there is no social remorse or consequence in your real life]
>
> Posts like this blog, will come up time and time again, and nothing will change, unless all speech gets banned.
>
> Thankfully, on sites like this when you go join a game of chess, most people are more interested in thinking about the next move than chatting. Especially in the bullet section. I suspect you'd run into more of this stuff when typing in obs chat or the forums.
>
> "breaking the silence" is such a silly and childish title to have for this sort of blog post, because its an issue that has been known for as long as the internet has existed.
>
> Oh and physical identifiers online mean nothing as well, go play a MOBA and see how many games it takes for some random kid to start screaming down the mic about how he is going to rape you and your family, or how you are the "most dogshit subhuman piece of garbage, and should uninstall the game". If you want real toxicity go play some MOBA's. Honestly, you will not get much worse than that. [Many people online just have too little shit to give and too little shit to lose]

"Being candid with your thoughts" is one thing, but does that excuse nastiness, rudeness, sexual stuff and so on ?

No doubt posts like this will come up time and time again sadly, but to say that nothing will change until speech is banned is not the case
Perhaps gradual bit by bit change is less easy to see, but why would you not think that can happen ?

Plenty of things have changed in recent years, but not many just like that, in an instant
I do not know many children who would come up with a title such as "Breaking the silence", if you have a better one then please tell us what it is
I do not want "real toxicity" thankyou

It may well be as you say elsewhere, I dont know,but does that mean we should just accept toxicity, as opposed to "real toxicity" then ?