Wild. Thank you to Jennifer and Greg Shahade. I wonder if they remember me from St. Louis. Thank you, Lichess. Many others should be thanked, too.
This is why older women were valued as chaperones.
I'm a couple hours from STL and used to work with Danny Rensch at
Chess.com. I just checked the internet. Danny and many other famous chess people know a man who 'sexually assaulted' me on the sidewalk down the street from the St. Louis Club. It was 2016. Here's the short story.
I was talking with several people outside the St. Louis Chess Club after a round of the Sinquefield Cup. After a while, there were only 2 of us. We were talking about chess players, chess stuff. He mentioned he was divorced, so I gave him my stock answer: "I haven't had a date since 2008 and that will never change." That's the truth, so I don't mind saying it. We continued talking professional-like. The Club closed, and we began walking on the sidewalk towards our hotels. Just as we were about to part ways, he lunged at me, I leaned back and turned my head, and he kissed me on the cheek.
Keep in mind we were in public, but no one seemed to notice.
I said, "What are you doing? I told you!" And I cursed as I walked away, wondering if he was more a dork or a jerk. I was 55 then, and he was a bit older, old enough to know better, let's be clear about that. He had not shown any special interest in me, so I was quite surprised by his actions.
I was troubled all night by it. It's a violation of my body from essentially a total stranger. (Word to the wise: do not touch people, except to shake hands.)
I knew I could call the police, but that would stress me out, embarrass the Club, and probably ruin his life in chess, which was most of his life, I gathered. Lots of people knew him. I decided to pretend nothing had happened, if I saw him again.
The next day, the Club was packed and I suddenly found myself face-to-face with him.
I said, "Hello."
He said, "Kiss." He was doubling down on being a jerk.
I said, "I can't talk to you anymore."
That was the last time I saw him. For a year, I wondered if I should report him, because if he's so brazen with an older women like me, what could he possibly get away with around inexperienced younger women and girls at his club, at events? Was I letting my mind run wild with what he may be capable of? I looked up Missouri laws, but I didn't ever file a complaint. This is the first time I have mentioned it.
As I said, this rude person is well-known in American chess and known somewhat internationally, too. I decided I didn't want to ruin his life, because I don't know if he's always a jerk or a jerk just with me. FYI, another man at the STL Club called me "so non-threatening," which is a good thing, but perhaps I look too much like someone who will forgive an offense. What if that's the first time he lost his mind trying to kiss a woman he just met? Should he be arrested and charged and be forced out of chess? If I write his name here, the latter could happen.
When should touching complaints/assaults be reported to law enforcement and when to professional organizations? I don't have the answers, but again I applaud those who speak up and remind people that it's a best practice to keep your hands to yourself.
Lastly, if you've read this far, a note to my special friends Danny Rensch and Erik Allebest. I should have said this years ago, but now will have to do. No one else will tell you, apparently. Please stop making sexual references in your ads and broadcasts, like the recent ad about the timer. I find them embarrassing and unhelpful in light of the present topic. I hope you take note of this.
